The anti-snitch lobby is alive and well. You keep your mouth shut or you end up with stitches. But what about when it comes to children and tattletales? The concept of telling vs. not telling is a complicated one, even for adults. So, what’s it like for our children?
According to a survey of caregivers, the majority believe that everything depends on intent. Telling on someone just to get them into trouble is not cool, but telling because someone is in trouble or needs help is always okay. Luanna, who works in a junior high school library, says, “There’s a difference between who stole Johnny’s pencil and who stole Johnny’s life.”
David, a father of a teenager, points out that some caregivers’ views may be clouded by growing up in a different world, where tattling was frowned upon. He suggests that we should view it as “speaking truth to power” rather than just tattling.
When it comes to teaching children about secrets and the dangers of keeping them, caregivers often find themselves conflicted. We encourage our children to come to us with anything, but then we turn them away with an offhand, “Stop tattling.” It’s a fine line to walk, especially when younger children may not have the experience to distinguish between good and bad telling.
As children get older, the situations they face become more socially dangerous. What if they know someone is cheating or vandalizing school property? These situations may not directly affect them, but in the telling, they risk being labeled as a stool pigeon and opening themselves up to bullying.
Ultimately, caregivers agree that while tattling should not be a default behavior, it is important for children to have a safe space to discuss moral dilemmas and learn about consequences. Tiffiny, a mother of five, draws the line at tattling about minor issues but encourages her children to figure things out with their peers.
In the end, justice is a matter of perspective, as one caregiver’s 12-year-old pointed out. And as caregivers, we must navigate the fine line between encouraging our children to speak up and teaching them the importance of discretion. It’s a delicate balance that requires patience and understanding from both sides.