When Compartmentalizing Your Feelings Becomes Unhealthy: Knowing the Limits

In a recent morning on the subway to work, one woman found herself overwhelmed with emotions ranging from sore nipples from breastfeeding to global war and negative feelings about a relative. As a therapist, she knew she needed to “pull herself together” in order to show up for her clients and daily responsibilities. This experience led her to reflect on the concept of compartmentalization—setting aside emotions, thoughts, or needs temporarily in order to address them later.

Compartmentalization is a common defense mechanism that allows people to protect themselves from negative or painful emotional experiences. It can be a necessary tool for navigating the demands of everyday life, allowing individuals to prioritize certain tasks or responsibilities over others. However, when compartmentalization becomes a way to avoid or deny difficult emotions, it can lead to harmful consequences.

According to experts, healthy compartmentalization involves acknowledging and setting aside difficult emotions with the intention of revisiting them at a later time. It is a conscious choice to regulate emotions, not ignore them. On the other hand, repression involves avoiding overwhelming emotions through distractions or denial, which can ultimately lead to a disconnect from one’s true feelings and experiences.

Compartmentalization can be a trauma response, especially for individuals coping with PTSD or complex trauma. It can also be a way to maintain love and connection in challenging situations. However, when compartmentalization becomes a constant way of coping, it can hinder emotional growth and prevent individuals from fully engaging with their experiences.

To practice healthy compartmentalization, individuals are encouraged to question the cultural norms that promote avoidance, pay attention to moments of disconnection, schedule time to revisit difficult emotions, engage with their compartmentalized selves with compassion, build tolerance for hard feelings, and create an emotional nourishment “menu” of positive experiences.

While compartmentalization can be a useful tool for managing overwhelming emotions, it is important to recognize when it becomes unhealthy. When individuals consistently avoid confronting difficult emotions or experiences, it can lead to a disconnect from oneself and others. By developing strategies to both compartmentalize and engage with challenging emotions, individuals can work towards living a more integrated and emotionally fulfilling life.